it says that maybe it wants to step over the horizon. what is on the other side? could there be a land where the children play amongst the bones of dinosaurs, preserved for antiquity in stuffy rooms with bad lighting? is there an alley that is too thin, too dark, with a room at the end, a magical place?

so i found a place where the lines that lead to it and away somehow bend and break and come together in a peaceful spot. finally. after almost 2 years of searching, a place to sit.

Wihm: thats why i gotta have a theory on painting
Wihm: hahah
LIZZYNAT0R: well you never told me what it is
Wihm: so it is about something else
Wihm: well im not finished with it yet
LIZZYNAT0R: ok
LIZZYNAT0R: lemme know hwen you do
Wihm: i think that is has something to do with doing paintings about making people remember things, but things they only thik they remember
Wihm: like one that reminds you of a really nice sunset and a day that you spent in the summer, just doing things and not thinking about stuff too much
Wihm: i can do paintings like that sometimes, but i wanna do them more often and more powerfully
LIZZYNAT0R: ya
Wihm: like i want to do paintings that remind people of beautiful things
Wihm: so that when they look at it, in their heads they see beauty
Wihm: and the beauty of the painting becomes something more than just one thing, it each persons own memory of beauty
LIZZYNAT0R: yeah. that would be nice
Wihm: and each persons memory would of course be better than any painting i could do
LIZZYNAT0R: right i was just thinking, i could never paint anything that good
Wihm: cause it would be their own version of beauty
Wihm: yah
Wihm: so im gonna try to learn how to do some paintings that do that
Wihm: heheh
Wihm: im a big fan of beauty in life

so what was i sayin? oh yeah, theres this place where all the kids have been goin, a big well. you can jump in and fall and fall and fall and never hit the bottom, and somehow whenever you get tired or hungry or bored your back at the edge of the well, looking down. if you watch people, they sort of just fall into it slowly, and then sway back, but you can tell whats happened. the kids go there for hours and hours, and the sun beats down on their backs and the circkets play games on their legs, but they never get tired. i tried it once, and as i fell the wind was silent, the world was silent. the hot sun and the buzzing cicadas and the stinging grass all fell away slowly, as i descended in to that cozy cold abyss.


i stood at the edge of some pond in texas once, trying to understand what the kids were telling me. so theres all these different kinds of ants there, and this pile here and that pile there, if you put your hand into them theyll be all eaten up? thats nonsense. the dragonflies were all huge and the scene was all yellow. the ground in texas just dries up and cracks in the sun. all parched and dusty, somehow there was this pond, with crazy ant piles up to three feet tall all around it, on both sides, the kind that'll eat yer hand if you touch them, so theres no way you can get to the pond and have a swim or whatever. not that id have wanted to anyway, the way the sun lit up that space, and the way the bugs flew all around my face. it was just way too sinister, and i was always so hungry. how could someone think of swimming when their bellies were so small and empty? i think the real reason i ate that mixture the texas kids made up was not to go through with the dare, but more in hope that id be able to have some more food somehow.